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Your first reaction on getting that coupon in the Val-Pak envelope is to laugh.  “Snoose Junction Pizzeria“?  What’s a Snoose?  Apparently, Scandinavians in the area called snuff and chewing tobacco “snoose”, and Snoose Junction was a nickname for the area when Ship captains would stop here to unload illicit loads before hitting Seattle proper.  While smoking isn’t allowed inside these days, the pizza is certainly good enough to think you’re getting away with something.  That something?  A great deal on good food.

You can get your pizza fix here by the slice or by the whole pie.  A delighful arrangement of regulars fill the large menu board along with the option to create your own masterpiece.  Calzones, hot sandwiches and some salads fill out the menu along with sodas, wines and beers.  It’s very family-welcoming, even if there isn’t a whole lot of room.

I noshed on slices of plain cheese and a cold bottle of Sarsparilla from Wyoming.  My partner enjoyed cheese and pepperoni with a icy fountain Coke.  (2 drinks, 4 slices, less than $20)  The crust was thin yet sturdy and didn’t crack along the bottom when I folded mine in half.  Get a few napkins for the little bit of grease run-off while you wait for it to cool from their warming oven!  The sauce is perfectly not too sweet, not too seasoned, and the cheese doesn’t string out too far.  I was very happy with our impromptu choice of lunch locations after walking back from a nice day at the Ballard Locks.  Look for it just to the east of the India Bistro right on Market.

Snoose Junction Pizzeria is open till 3am on weekends and is located at 2305 NW Market St.  Make sure to get on their email list for a free pizza on your birthday.  Oh, and they DO deliver.

There I stood – or staggered – on the cobblestoned paveway of Ballard Avenue, several glasses of wine down with a confused frown deciding which Ballard wine bar got the best of me. I did some serious research on the Avenue’s wine bar circuit for the rest of us Sweds who get lost when it’s something other than schnapps with the smorgasbord.

With the recent restaurant/bar trend featuring small plates/tapas, Portalis WIne Shop/Bar and diVino fall right into the grade. However, I can wholeheartedly say that my experiences with both wine bars was far from middle grade.

My Wine Trails of Ballard began at Portalis (www.portaliswines.com), home to former German ER doc Jens Strecker, with their vast selection in retail wines originating from Chile to New Zealand and South Africa, as well as a couple local favorites.

The menu gave a few small plates to choose from – all with fancy titles that essentially translate out to fish spread on crusted bread – and an intricate tasting menu for the evening (it was a Wednesday). I ventured out to Italy and tried their version of the Pinot Noir grape, also known as Nebbiolo. I found it to be a little hallow and flat but drank it anyway since it was just under $10… Only to find out 7/8 through the glass that the bottle I was drinking from was corked… The bartender quickly retaliated, giving me a fresh (and very tasty!) glass and docking it off our tab. Kudos on the last minute service but I wasn’t blown away overall on that front.

diVino was closing early when we arrived (www.divinoseattle.com). The extremely generous and possibly one-too-many-martinied Sicilian owner demanded we come in and drink their copious amounts of wine from the Motherland, sending “Shelly” to the kitchen to make us copious amounts of food that we didn’t exactly order (and didn’t exactly have to pay too much for in the end).

The decor of the joint is a little cheesy (bright white and red lighting, awkward plastic seating), which might not translate from Sicilian to Ballard. The wine list is only Italian, full of grapes I might have heard of in the Sommelier Arnie Milian wine courses offered downtown. I shot for the $15 Amarone (no idea) and it was fabulous. I liked it much more than the corked Nebbiolo from Portalis…

And let the battle of the wine bars begin… Check them out for yourself and try not to get lost between grape varietals and where you parked your car on Ione.

Saturday revealed a few treasures during the deliciously sunny hours of the day. A faint breeze kept me at a very comfortable temperature for a walk around the neighborhood. Where to eat? Wandering down Ballard Avenue uncovered an unassuming storefront of glass with a neon sign of lips and the intriguing name of “Madame K’s”. The aroma of browning crust and bubbling tomato sauces made my hands open the door and seek seating.

Madame K’s plays upon the alleged previous life of the building, that of a brothel. The wait staff is friendly and flirty and an actual joy to chat with. Be warned, they are generous with the portions and the garlic. If you don’t care for garlic, this is not your place. Being that I can eat cooked garlic like candy, I was in heaven.

Being the middle of the day, I chose to forgo the much-touted Sangria, but I managed to get my own buzz off the scent of the dessert they called a “screaming orgasm”. No, there’s nothing dirty about it, unless you get melted chocolate on your hands. A skillet-sized fresh-baked cookie with ice cream on top, I was sorry I’d eaten enough pizza to fill me so full I couldn’t get one. Although with the size of the portions, it’s probably better enjoyed with a date or a bunch of friends. Please note there is no seating for anyone under 21. Madame K’s can be found at 5327 Ballard Ave NW, (206) 783-9710.

I indulged in a personal vice and wandered back up to the Guitar Emporium to gaze at the beautiful instruments in the windows hanging like delicate ornaments. This neat little corner shop has been offering classes, instruments, and events since 1989 in guitar, mandolin, banjo, lute, and bass fiddles. Not only can you find a glossy new 6 or 12-string, they also carry a revolving stock of vintage and used instruments. Need a guitar for community center or school classes? Check them out. Want an old Fender Stratocaster? Come see if there’s one on the wall! I can’t do more than pick out notes, but I love riffling through the sheet music and listening to the salespeople. Make sure to look at the window posters or ask the employees about what’s going on in the local acoustic world of strings!

Guitar Emporium
5349 Ballard Ave NW
(206) 783-7607

Hidden by the neon lights of Azteca on Market and 24th Ave, a faintly stained glass window has four letters etched into a sign. “Ocho” – it reads, denoting the number “8″ with zero known significance to the restaurant it is named for but has a couple other digits that work with it. 

7 – Possessive power lesbians clinging to their rights to the side of the bar that uncomfortably angles into the inward-opening door and pound their “$10 Margaritas” that consequently result in their falling off their benches later. 

6 – Other seats of the “L”-shaped bar that are occupied by rosemary and beet garnished martini-sippers who are not willing to give up their spot for a cancer patient on crutches. Tough luck.

5 – Remaining tables of the restaurant with no more than 2 chairs at each and 5 people crowding around to stab at one tiny tapas plate for the white-wine soaked clam. 

4 – The average priced tapas on the chalk-written menu that hangs on the far wall which you’ll need to order more of to fill you up but will keep you busy licking your fingers in between plates. 

3 – Consummate cooks whom fill the kitchen (on a busy night) which can not harbor any more people nor talent.

2 – FOH servers (one cocktailer and one bartender) who make you feel as if you could stay for hours although you know they want their tables to turn so they can possibly get more people in the box they work in.

1 – First-timer (me) who can’t stop obsessing over the sherried-mushroom bruschetta plate (real name to not be attempted by someone who hasn’t spoke Spanish in eight – ocho- years). 

0 – People who will be disappointed by Ocho. 

Salud,

Erin